Chemistry

When you consider the length and breadth of a relationship, a marriage for example, say twenty years that's a goodly sum. Now, it would seem that you would know that partner inside and out but every now and then they will surprise you or maybe you just pay more attention one day and when you observe their behavior they seem like a completely different person, as in, "Who are you and how did you get in my wife's/husband's body?" Crazy, right but why not? If you were a chemist maybe you would be less surprised. For example, one day Sodium, the chemical element of atomic number 11, a soft silver-white reactive metal of the alkali metal group meets up with Chlorine, the chemical element of atomic number 17, a toxic, irritant, pale green gas. They sit down for a cup of coffee, discuss world events and find there is an attraction. They spend more time together and finally in a moment of ecstasy they bond together and form, you guessed it, Sodium Chloride, Salt. So from this soft silver white alkali metal and green gas you end up with something that tastes good on mashed potatoes. Really? You wouldn't put sodium on your potatoes nor would you put Chlorine on your potatoes but salt, that's a different thing.

OK, let's go on with this. So, for the sake of argument lets call you Sodium and your partner Chlorine, together you are salt. Everybody knows that salt can be a delightful addition to a meal but all by itself it's very unsettling. In order to make salt have its highest and best value it should be used sparingly and in good taste. (Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.) A decision was made in the interest of the partnership for Sodium and Chloride to have other interests in their lives that would include a variety of activities. In pursuing new interests they met new individuals who were essentially doing the same thing they were, trying not to be locked in sameness all the time.

Sodium and Chlorine were both very social. They attracted a variety of different types.

I could go on and perhaps I will but just wanted to make a point. People are not static and yet that's what we seem to want in relationships. We want people to be the same as they were when we met them and then they change and do stuff differently. This always seems to end up in a discussion of "Why can't you just be like you were......."  or "Why is it every time you get together with that ammonia bunch you cause so much trouble?"

People are like that too. You think you know someone. You have been friends for twenty years and then, without a bit of warning they do something that was unpredictable to you. You only know people in terms that that fit your experiences together. So, in short, you don't really know anyone all that well. For that matter, you don't know what you are capable of either. 

So before you judge someone else give some thought to the relationship you have with them and judge that because that is all you can really speak to with any kind of truth.

Herb Ratliff, November 30, 2011, All Rights Reserved.