Ever Changing, Ever The Same - Fathers Day

Herb & Wanda Ratliff 1932

There will be a lot of pancakes and eggs prepared with varying degrees of skill for the fathers of the  world today. I have no idea how far the custom reaches out beyond the United States but here in most houses of young families there will be some treasured moments and some very messy kitchens all in the name of fatherhood.

I have noticed within my own family a relationship between fathers and their children that surpasses the kind I had with my father. My son and sons in law are deeply involved in the activities of their children. They show up at most sports events and coach in some cases. There is an easy and friendly interaction with sports, games and school where possible. That's very different from what I experienced.

I have noticed another phenomenon that is often emulated by children. It's the electronic connection. Recently I observed one of my grandsons in a close up encounter for a couple of days and noticed his devotion to an digital game he carried with him most everywhere he went. He even engaged in it's magnetism while watching television, a curious but common behavior.

Developing any kind of verbal interaction with the lad was often protracted and difficult because of the extra time it took to make any kind of noticeable connection with him. Eye contact was nearly nonexistent. His attentions were quite fixed on the small electronic device which provided copious exercises for his thumbs.

While the competition with the electronic box was a bit frustrating, it was not unusual and it jumps age groups with ease. That evening I had a quiet one-on-one dinner with my son and observed the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

Later I spoke with one of my daughters who apologized for a lack of attention and made a very wise and accurate observation about the young parents of today's world. She said,

"It seems like everyone and everything is vying for our attention. We are working on our developing careers which demand time, our children which demand all of our time, community, and family - which is you. You want time and I want to give it but I am not a magician. And, in order to be healthy and capable of performing well I have to spend time on exercise and a healthy lifestyle."

She was right. I remember the time well. It's a near impossible situation but we all do it and we survive.

I love being a father. It is noble and sweet and frustrating. I'm fortunate to have very attractive, intelligent and resourceful children who enrich my life in myriad ways. I am fortunate to have had a father who fit no mold but gave what he had to make my life an adventure. Happy Fathers Day Dads, what a honor.

©Herb Ratliff, June 16, 2013, All Rights Reserved

Happy Day Mothers

Stella Wanda Johnson Ratliff

Mom

Mother’s Day

Now this is a day worth remembering. Have you ever considered what it takes to be a Mother? Really! I ask this not to belittle your understanding of the task but to emphasize the breadth of it; this is no mean responsibility.

I am not going to get into the physical part of this. There are some parts of motherhood that, frankly, have left me shaking my head. For example: most females have the physical characteristics required for motherhood somewhere between their 12th and 15^th birthdays. I’m not spending any time here. I don’t know either. Even when you push it up to 18, 19, 20, 21 there is still a lot of responsibility dropped in the lap of the female of our species. This is particularly true when you look at it as a member of Western Culture, America in particular.

If you graduate from High School at 18, go to a four year college and graduate, you are now 22. If you have given any serious thought to taking time to carefully plan your future, children are not likely to be a part of your plans just yet. That would be very true if you were considering a highly skilled career like, Medicine, any science which required a PhD, Politics, Research, in truth almost anything. The exception would be teaching. But if that is your path a Master’s Degree is pretty much required for pay scale and any chance of moving up the food chain in Education. That can be done and has been by many while teaching and being a mom. But, it is not easy.

There is the old biological clock that ticks on and in truth vying for a position in the employment arena that fosters competition, skills development and being active long enough to invite “Luck” into the equation you could easily scratch off another five to ten years. OK, now you are thirty two. If you are skilled, socially adept, competitive, attractive and desirable, you probably don’t want to marry, get pregnant and smear pabulum all over your expensive designer clothing that gets you in the door.

So you could easily be forty before the time would be “right” for a pregnancy break. That is also about the outer limit for most women to take on motherhood. And that may not even be an attractive option at this point. It depends, at least in part on how many children you have been around during your career preparation. And, if you think talking over a belligerent board member in a corporate meeting is difficult, try reasoning with a child three months old with colic.

Look at me. I’m ending my first page and haven’t even gotten to soccer games. This could take a while. And wait until you hear about volunteer time in the food kitchen during games and the driving schedule. Did I mention Band, Scouts, Church, Sports, PTA……..Did I mention nieces and nephews? Oh, and did I ask if you would be doing this as single mom, same sex couple or standard issue straight married couple? Also, are you politically active? And if you are a part of a married couple and fall into what once was called a normal family grouping, will this be a first marriage, an arrangement of convenience or an impregnation with no intended father on premises?

Here’s the point. Mothers are stars, angels, friends, mentors, disciplinarians, coaches, teachers and they do it with love and magic. I miss my mom, admire my daughters for the terrific moms they are and hope you love and honor the women in your lives who hold the title. 

Happy Day Mothers.

©Herb Ratliff May 12, 2013, All Rights Reserved

Kathleen, Will and Secrets of the Desert Stones

The Promise

When the old man gave Kathleen the stone he called a “geode” Will was a bit jealous of the attention she got and wondered why he had not received a “geode” too. Will didn't know what a geode was. He thought it looked like any other rock lying on the desert floor just outside Big Bend National Park but when it was given to his sister with so much ceremony he felt cheated so he grabbed the rock and kept her from enjoying her moment.

Then, the old man came to him and said he would find something special for him the next day. Will wasn't sure the old man could deliver on his promise, but he felt like he was special too at that moment and surrendered the geode back to Kathleen.

 Now as he neared the RV camp at Stillwell Ranch he began to wonder if there would be something special waiting for him. He couldn't possibly know how special the gift would be and that was just as well. Will would have to wait a long time before he could understand the significance of the gift he would receive.

 Earlier that day the old man had been making good on his promise to find something special for Will. But what he would find was beyond anything even the old man expected.

 It was beginning to heat up. It would be very hot today but the old man and his dog Charley were showing no haste as they walked along the arroyo following what the old man called “the scent of a promise”.

 Many years before Soaring Hawk, the young man, had been under the care of Red Bear, his teacher. It was Red Bear who had taught him the lore of the Indians who inhabited this land long before the white man came here. And it was Red Bear who had shown Soaring Hawk how all of the inhabitants of the desert spoke to those who would listen. 

That was how Red Bear knew that he had been called to meet this young man who needed a guide to learn the secrets of leadership from one who had gone before. And, it was how the old man knew he must teach the secrets of the desert stones to Kathleen and Will.

The Stone

Early in the evening while sitting around the campfire listening to the dry Mesquite snap from the fire, Will was wondering when the old man might show up. His dad wouldn't let him knock on the door to get him and Will was not a patient boy. But, just a few moments before Will was ready to give up on the whole thing the old man seemed to come out of nowhere and sit by him and his dad. He was pretty excited now and wanted to quickly get his gift but his dad told him to be patient. Will didn't like that. He started to get angry that things were not moving fast enough for him.

The old man smiled at Will and said,

"I have a gift for you."

 Will shot out his hand. 

"Not so fast." Said the old man. 

"First, I have to tell you and your dad what I have for you and what it means."

"I just want a special stone." said Will, pushing his hand toward the old man again.

"And that is exactly what I have for you, Will."  said the old man, but there is some information that comes with it.

"You, want to no why it is special, don't you?"

"Yes, but can I hold it?"

"If you take it in your hand, you agree to follow the rules that go with it. You wouldn't want to make a promise with someone before you knew what they wanted you to promise, would you?"

Will said no, but he was getting a little angry again. The old man could see it and offered some words of consolation to Will. 

"What I have for you is something that comes along very rarely, Will.  And since I have been chosen to be the messenger, I want to make sure you get everything that has been sent to you. Do you understand?"

Will scowled.

"Perhaps this is something that needs to be saved for later." said the old man.

" I'll tell you what I will do. I am going to give the stone to you but, only for you to hold and examine for a little while. Then, I am going to have you give it to your dad. I will then tell you the first part of the story of the stone and each year on your birthday I will send you a note explaining  more about the stone. How's that?"

"O.K.", said Will, who, at that moment would have agreed to anything just to get his hands on the stone.

Out came Will's hand and the old man gave him the Triangle Stone.

"This is The Triangle Stone, Will. I have only seen one other stone like this and that was many years ago. I won't be able to tell you what it is for until you hear the explanation of the promises you must keep in order to have the stone. I will only tell you that it is a great honor to be chosen to have this stone and when it is in your hands you will have the power to do great things for many people. You must be kind and thoughtful to your family and friends. You must strive for excellence in your work. You must learn to control anger and nurture patience. Treat your sister with special kindness for she may be your best friend some day."

The last thing the old man said made Kathleen and Will think.

"What the two of you can do together will always exceed what you can do alone."

The old man left and promised to tell them more when the time came. 

To be continued.........

©Herb Ratliff, March 15, 2013, All Rights Reserved

Fishing With Bill

You won’t see him wading anymore,

he stopped doing that a while ago.

He was getting a bit unsteady for surprises

on the bottom of an ever changing riverscape.

I have never stepped into a stream

without thinking of him; sometimes I even

think I smell his favorite pipe blend when

the evening stillness comes to the North Branch.

I can hear the soft cut of his line pass

through the prescient air and know it will land

exactly where he intended.

He was a poet, you know.

His were not words placed exactly where

they should be, but colors and sometimes, dry flies,

or perfectly selected spices and seasonings.

He shined most at inviting new friends into his delightful world

of conversation, hearty meals, a fine cigar

and a glass of wine.

He loved the precision of art

and the randomness of humanity

with equal fervor.

He loved the people he shared time and wine with

not the time and the wine.

He acted more the steward of his possessions than their owner.

He measured value in the friends he shared them with.

And now, as always, he goes ahead, to check
the larder for the morning meal of

Slab cut bacon, fried potatoes,
toast from Ruth’s home made bread
and her freezer strawberry jam,
eggs basted in bacon drippings
and strong coffee.

All the while whining vehemently
about never winning at cards.

There was the beginning
to a perfect day
of fishing
with Bill

©Herb Ratliff - March 1, 2013

The Side You See

If you look at a trout from overhead you may not even be able to see him. The finely tuned coloration causes him to merge seamlessly with the reflections of the water and the stones and sands on the bottom of the river.

If you look at him from the side which is a most difficult thing to do unless you are a denizen of the river and can swim parallel to the crafty fellow, you will see brilliant colors shapes and textures.

Slide for a moment underneath this well-designed aquanaut and there is little more than the flat, dull-white to ivory coloration of the belly, unflattering to say the least. Further, there is no protection from predatory observation which has the effect of a diminished life cycle.

Why the fascination with the trout’s color, attractiveness, and vulnerability, just this: Are we not much the same as the lovely trout?  From overlords and higher-ups who look down on me, there is little notice, perhaps a quick look at my balding pate. But short of that I blend quite easily into the environment which I inhabit. I cause no stress, no curiosity, no fervor.

If those around me see me as a fellow of equal value, from the side, I may have interesting colors, tints, shades and an occasional brilliant splash of color. So there I am a common man with special interests for some and commonality with many.

Slide down low and there you find a less attractive fellow, dull of color and plain or cold to view. There is little there to attract and little to dwell on of value.

So whether man or trout it isn’t always how you present yourself that captures the attention of others but often how you are perceived by them, the one thing you can do little to modify. So swim on my friend, I know there is beauty and good in, on or around you if only I take the time to look for it.

©Herb Ratliff, February 26, 2013, All Rights Reserved

Why Not Dance?

If we’re kept within a prison

there’s no lock can make us stay.

Lest our hapless, weary posture

simply let’s us waste away.

And if songs are sung around us

in the Winter or the Spring

But our voice is deathly silent

It’s not the fault of quieting.

When the wren darts to the sill plate

of the window we look out

And the song bursts from his small heart

lauding life and love, no doubt.

Dare we not release the handcuffs

which lock us down each day

And find somewhere within us

Something good or kind to say?

Reach out farther, oh my brother,

give your heart and mind a chance

Lift your spirit and your heels

It is your life, so why not dance?

Herb Ratliff, January 4, 2013, All Rights Reserved

Teach Your Children

In the morning, before the sunrise

When my eyes are still at rest

I see visions of the changes and

confusion masked as winning or success.

It’s as if I have been scouting

for the danger on the road that lies ahead

To foreworn those I have mentored

to prevent unwanted dread.

But my voice goes mute, I’m silenced

by some wicked, heartless sprite

So that all that I have garnered

has no substance, weight or light.

In the struggle they encounter

I have eyes and memories wise

That I scream from silenced heartbreak

but my voice is compromised.

It’s not wisdom that can aid them

When the sword is coming down

It’s the life that I have lived out

that’s the one they’ve copied down.

So the wisdom in my satchel

which I carry and would share

has no value to my warriors

who’ve become the life I’ve bared.

But by grace and fortunes blessing

many changes have been made

And the children I have tutored

Learned the value of a trade.

So the things they valued were protected

and the scary stuff they left alone

What is here is what they live for

sweet their minds and sweet their tone.

Herb Ratliff, January 3, 2013, All Rights Reserved

It's in Your Brain

One of the reasons you are sensitive to change and the health and welfare of friends and relatives is the same reason you are not a serial killer or CEO. If we watched your amygdala through an MRI machine we could see a virtual fireworks display when your decision process went from impersonal to personal. In a psychopath or CEO you would see darkness. They are driven by objective alone, how they achieve it is incidental. Is this oversimplified, to be sure. I mention this primarily because of the pangs we suffer sometimes because of our hardwired behavior.

In the newness of this doorway to 2013 remember that only part of you is malleable. We are not all executive material any more than we are all psychopaths. Fortunately we are all very different, very human examples of the possibilities of life as a human being. So do not be too quick to compare your insides with other people’s outsides. It’s a losing proposition, you can’t win. And most of the time you will be incorrect in your observations anyway.

If you are looking for ways to improve yourself, select things that you can control. For most of us weight can be controlled and exercise.  Improving our mind with more and better reading is ours to manage. Giving freely and often to those around us and in need is a choice unless you are among those who find emotion to be entropy. Politicians are often gifted with that characteristic. It isn't that they don’t care what happens. They just don’t care what happens to you.

Happy New Year!

Herb Ratliff, January 2, 2013, All Rights Reserved