How do you pair up?

When you consider the length and breadth of a relationship, a marriage for example, say twenty years that's a goodly sum. Now, it would seem that you would know that partner inside and out but every now and then they will surprise you or maybe you just pay more attention one day and when you observe their behavior they seem like a completely different person, as in, "Who are you and how did you get in my wife's/husband's body?" Crazy, right but why not? If you were a chemist maybe you would be less surprised. For example, one day Sodium, the chemical element of atomic number 11, a soft silver-white reactive metal of the alkali metal group meets up with Chlorine, the chemical element of atomic number 17, a toxic, irritant, pale green gas. They sit down for a cup of coffee, discuss world events and find there is an attraction. They spend more time together and finally in a moment of ecstasy they bond together and form, you guessed it, Sodium Chloride, Salt. So from this soft silver white alkali metal and green gas you end up with something that tastes good on mashed potatoes. Really? You wouldn't put sodium on your potatoes nor would you put Chlorine on your potatoes but salt, that's a different thing.

OK, let's go on with this. So, for the sake of argument lets call you Sodium and your partner Chlorine, together you are salt. Everybody knows that salt can be a delightful addition to a meal but all by itself it's very unsettling. In order to make salt have its highest and best value it should be used sparingly and in good taste. (Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.) A decision was made in the interest of the partnership for Sodium and Chloride to have other interests in their lives that would include a variety of activities. In pursuing new interests they met new individuals who were essentially doing the same thing they were, trying not to be locked in sameness all the time.

Sodium and Chlorine were both very social. They attracted a variety of different types.

 I could go on and perhaps I will but just wanted to make a point. People are not static and yet that's what we seem to want in relationships. We want people to be the same as they were when we met them and then they change and do stuff differently. This always seems to end up in a discussion of "Why can't you just be like you were......."  or "Why is it every time you get together with that ammonia bunch you cause so much trouble?"

People are like that too. You think you know someone. You have been friends for twenty years and then, without a bit of warning they do something that was unpredictable to you. You only know people in terms that that fit your experiences together. So, in short, you don't really know anyone all that well. For that matter, you don't know what you are capable of either. 

So before you judge someone else give some thought to the relationship you have with them and judge that because that is all you can really speak to with any kind of truth.

Herb Ratliff, November 30, 2011, All Rights Reserved.

Chemistry

When you consider the length and breadth of a relationship, a marriage for example, say twenty years that's a goodly sum. Now, it would seem that you would know that partner inside and out but every now and then they will surprise you or maybe you just pay more attention one day and when you observe their behavior they seem like a completely different person, as in, "Who are you and how did you get in my wife's/husband's body?" Crazy, right but why not? If you were a chemist maybe you would be less surprised. For example, one day Sodium, the chemical element of atomic number 11, a soft silver-white reactive metal of the alkali metal group meets up with Chlorine, the chemical element of atomic number 17, a toxic, irritant, pale green gas. They sit down for a cup of coffee, discuss world events and find there is an attraction. They spend more time together and finally in a moment of ecstasy they bond together and form, you guessed it, Sodium Chloride, Salt. So from this soft silver white alkali metal and green gas you end up with something that tastes good on mashed potatoes. Really? You wouldn't put sodium on your potatoes nor would you put Chlorine on your potatoes but salt, that's a different thing.

OK, let's go on with this. So, for the sake of argument lets call you Sodium and your partner Chlorine, together you are salt. Everybody knows that salt can be a delightful addition to a meal but all by itself it's very unsettling. In order to make salt have its highest and best value it should be used sparingly and in good taste. (Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.) A decision was made in the interest of the partnership for Sodium and Chloride to have other interests in their lives that would include a variety of activities. In pursuing new interests they met new individuals who were essentially doing the same thing they were, trying not to be locked in sameness all the time.

Sodium and Chlorine were both very social. They attracted a variety of different types.

I could go on and perhaps I will but just wanted to make a point. People are not static and yet that's what we seem to want in relationships. We want people to be the same as they were when we met them and then they change and do stuff differently. This always seems to end up in a discussion of "Why can't you just be like you were......."  or "Why is it every time you get together with that ammonia bunch you cause so much trouble?"

People are like that too. You think you know someone. You have been friends for twenty years and then, without a bit of warning they do something that was unpredictable to you. You only know people in terms that that fit your experiences together. So, in short, you don't really know anyone all that well. For that matter, you don't know what you are capable of either. 

So before you judge someone else give some thought to the relationship you have with them and judge that because that is all you can really speak to with any kind of truth.

Herb Ratliff, November 30, 2011, All Rights Reserved.

Is It Here?

Is It Here?

The words were spoken with too much force

not to be a promise 

or was it a warning

but a warning is a promise

or is that a threat?

I know you meant to disturb me

it's in your nature somehow

it seems to make you feel

important, strong, in control

- really?

Weather is still not 

an exact science,

even though Science

is what you use, 

Science and

Manipulation. 

It's seven fifty four AM

and still

there is no snow.

Herb Ratliff, November 29, 2011 All Rights Reserved

Kindness, Harmony and Human Dignity

 I lived Florida for about twelve years. Interesting place but where you live is what you make it. It's not about the constrictions of the location. It's about how you manage your mind and your actions.

During that period we made a lot of friends and one of those friends was a man whom we saw at the pool and during visits to our neighbors. He was a gentleman and he was from our home state, Michigan, so he was automatically a good guy. He was retired and his age was appropriate to traditional retirement. Age plays no favorites and he eventually died. We attended his funeral with our neighbors.

His interment was to be in a mausoleum that was located on the outskirts of West Palm Beach. After the services we shared a ride with friends and went out 441 along a containment canal to the burial site. We were in a funeral convoy in well-marked cars. On the way, I was riding in the back seat; I was looking out of the window and noticed an older black man fishing in the canal with a cane pole. When he saw the convoy he placed the pole on the ground, stood up, removed his hat, placed his hand over his heart and remained in that position, I presume, until we passed.

That, to this day, is one of the most elegant acts of humanity I have been privileged to witness. The bib overhauls and straw hat no longer described him. His beauty was in his actions.

November 25/2012

Historical Thanksgiving

Almost every piece of "historical information" about the creation of Thanksgiving that I was taught turns out to be creative writing, propaganda or tripe depending on your choice of attitudes. I like the Plymouth, Pilgrim and Indians sharing food and culture story. I like the religious freedom story too. It provides us with a good foundation for feeling chosen, special and better than the rest of the world. Don't get me wrong I love being here. I feel like living in America is a gift, a pearl of great price. That doesn't mean accurate information about the founding, growth and development of America isn't important. It reminds me a bit of the way a Black Friday ad, leaves out vital information about the quantity of LED TV's for $1.50, or HMO's that put caveats in their policy's about the fact that you are not covered out of network, which means anywhere but five square blocks from where you live or Congress passing a bill that provides for healthcare but only on Friday's between 2:00PM and 2:15PM.
We must love to be lied to. Who understands their insurances, how about your mortgage? Did you read and understand your mortgage agreement at the closing and insist that every statement you didn't understand be explained to you in plain English? No? Neither did I. Can you feature Bernie Madoff explaining his investment program in fine, understandable terms to his patsies?
Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. It's a time to remember how fortunate we are and to share our bounty with others less fortunate. At least that's what I was taught. It was not my intent to "rain on your parade". Well, you know what, maybe it was.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Getting Ready

It's the mince pie that does it for me, that rich, cinnamon and clove mixture with apple and raisins. It makes my mouth water just thinking about it. 

Mother made mince pies just twice during the year, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I knew it was the real deal when that magical aroma filled the air. The pies, cakes and desserts were generally prepared early in the week. We were a one oven household. The turkey and fix-in's were baked on Thanksgiving Day along with the yeast rolls. 

Care was taken to have dinner so that it would not interfere with the football game, Detroit and Green Bay or Chicago would play and set the stage for postprandial lethargy. We didn't know it was from the tryptophan in the turkey at the time.

Then, of course, all the family would gather in a house far too small to accommodate the crowd but no one seemed to mind. It was good to be together and share the smells and sounds and love together. I'm looking forward to it. I know you are too. These are the good times. 

And honey, if you don't like this, you don't like ice cream.

©Herb Ratliff, November 22, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Thanksgiving Dinner

Your eyes across the table, the look, a little too long

I know what you mean, I remember too.

We were so young.

We had each other, 

Forever,

and 

Dreams.

©Herb Ratliff, November 20, 2011, All Rights Reserved.

The Art of Thank You

It’s the holiday. It’s the season.

That must be at least part of the reason I recalled some things people have done for me. That was a very pleasant thought but, what I could not remember was, had I thanked them properly. And what is properly anyway and I don’t mean that in an Emily Post way, although there is nothing wrong with that kind of thank you either. More to the point, I was just considering the best way to respond with meaning to a person who did something for you.

Sometimes, “thank you” is right, enough and appropriate. More often the problem with that response is its absence. A gift of some kind is also a way of acknowledging an act of kindness. Then of course you can get into a never ending cycle of gifts and thank yous that will over complicate what a simple, heartfelt “thank you” might have just as easily accomplished. How about the “pay it forward”  form of thanks?  That’s good too, maybe one of the best.

If you analyze the “thank you” options too carefully the lovely, spontaneous appreciation can suffer a bit which brings me to yet another kind of thank you, the belated thank you. Now this one can seem terribly, terribly painful, hurtful and thoughtless to have bypassed and yet, it can bring the real value of the act to a new and more beautiful level. Sometimes what we are more grateful for at an older age has become fuller, richer, smoother and more valuable during its maturation.

Finally, there is the act of receiving with such incandescence that the thank you is implied with the subtlety of a brass band. My daughter, Julie as a child was the expert of this form of thank you. She could not wait to open gifts.  Her excitement was more than enough thanks.

So, my advice?  Let your own personal style be your guide, you know who you are and how to express thanks your way and that is just right.

Thanks for stopping by, I enjoy your visits.

©Herb Ratliff, November 21, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Many of you will be traveling this holiday. You might like to know that it is projected to be the highest volume of travel for a holiday ever. Please give yourself ample rest, time, and patience for this investment of your life. We all need you here in real time after the holiday. And speaking of the holiday, you might just want to reflect a bit about what has really made you thankful in your life. I mean really thankful. For example: a difficult behavior you've managed to deal with in a positive way, recovery from a medical condition, someone else recovering from a medical condition, an apple pie coming out of the oven as you walk in your parents door after having been away for a long time, your first, second, third ..... child. You get the idea. If you want to show your thanks for any or all of that how about trying to be a memory that someone's thankful for when they think about you. Being yourself and being kind is just about the nicest thing any of us can do.

Happy Thanksgiving

Herb Ratliff, November 18, 2011, All Rights Reserved

I Know

Thought For The Day

There is a phrase that I hear which takes a lot of the fun out of a conversation. And while it is clear that it is used as an "involvement" utterance, it still has a killing effect on a story or a bit of information you wish to pass on to your audience. "I know."

I have visited with people who "knew" everything I was talking about. In situations like that one feels completely unnecessary for if the would be recipient of the words knows, there is little point in continuing to speak, ya know? (that's another one.)

November 17, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Learning Style

Thought for the day.

I did not do well in school in any of the fields that I now find most interesting. Fortunately, the opportunity to learn some of those things later existed for me and now are available in abundance. Learning new things is a magic wand to adventure. 

Ever notice that when you learn the meaning of a new word that it seems to show up all over the place but when you first saw it you were sure that it was useless because you had never seen it before? That is what learning has been like for me. Math, Science and English were my worst subjects, now they are the subjects I find most compelling.

So, don't ever say, " I'm not good at.......", maybe when you look at it again you will be.

Herb Ratliff, November 16, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Life's Teachers

Thought for the Day

The great thing about life is that most of the time 

we are preparing for things that we know nothing about, 

people we no nothing about and events we no nothing about. 

As a matter of fact we rarely have any notion that we are preparing 

for anything at all. But, that's the beauty of it and 

that's why everything we do is important. 

So be careful of who influences your direction. 

They may not know any more than you do about 

what will happen but they could be very good 

or very bad at preparing. 

A lot of our teachers are people we

would never pick for the job.

Herb Ratliff, (11/15/2011) All rights reserved..

Autumn's Exit

Autumns Exit

The sun kicks back in it's winter recliner

Closer, but not as warm - like an insincere embrace

From a form only friend.

The dried leaves rattle across the dying grass

Like fiddler crabs playing end of season

solos

For an inattentive audience.

And Autumn darts in and out of my vision

Like a dying wasp, starving

but unwilling 

to die.

©Herb Ratliff (11/14/2011) All right's reserved

Leadership

Thought for the Day

When small men begin to cast big shadows, it means that the sun is about to set.

-Lin Yutang, writer and translator (1895-1976) 

November 10, 2011

Friends

Friends

It's fascinating to do an inventory check on friends or what we generically call friends. If you look over your Facebook account list of friends you may find people on it that you hardly know or may not know at all. If you go to church and visit before and after a service you'll find friends there as well, but they are in a sort of category, at least some of them, even if you are the minister. Then, there's work, now that's a horse of another color isn't it. There are some folks there that wouldn't make the cut anywhere but at work. How about the local watering hole? Now there's a place you can find quite a variation of "friends". Fair weather, acquaintance, drinking buddies, business associates, clients, to mention a few but I'll let you fill in the gaps. Now, if you are divorced then, you get some of the friends and others move entirely to the other camp. Even if you are in a respectable and working relationship with the x, there are conditions that require special handling. The point of all this is: a good friend is hard to find and even harder to keep. So, if you have a friend who has hung in there with you through thick and thin, managed to walk the tight rope between you and the x, and still manages to have a laugh with you now and then, make sure you thank them. There are lots of ways to do that. I like the old cliche, "If you want to have a friend, be one." I will leave it to you to figure out what that means to you, my friend.

P.S. A special note to lifelong friends: You belong in a category all to yourself, as do spouses  that are the only one and buddies from the armed forces. You are just the best there is, and that's the truth.

Herb Ratliff, November 11, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Words

Words

Words can swell one's confidence, they can chide, confuse, belittle, encourage or enchant, Each time we open our mouth, put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard we open the door to communication that can be appreciated, misunderstood, even ignored but what else can we do? We have a basic need to be in touch with those we need, love, or wish to make a remark to and so we reach out knowing that what we are trying to say may or may not reach our intended intact or badly injured, maimed or even dead. Daunting task, seeking the ear of another, isn't it? 
My advice? Just throw it out there and hope for the best. Most people don't care what you think anyway. And those who do care are just happy to hear from you. 
Know what I mean? 
It's just nice to know you are not alone.

©Herb Ratliff, November 7, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Loss of Concentration

Thought for the Day

The truth is I never really saw it coming even though my powers of observation rank pretty high. If you can see a number twenty-two midge on a 6x leader  floating in crystal clear mountain water in full sun on an Autumn day in Montana you just don't miss much. I did though and badly.  And what a price I will pay for the loss of concentration because you know very well that last minute payoffs are very dear. So before we all are caught unprepared let me warn you now before your are hit with a full page four color double truck ad. There are only forty five days left until Christmas.

Herb Ratliff, November 9, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Viewing Tradition with an Untrained Eye

Thought for the Day

My son grew up with absolutely no interest in conventional sporting endeavors like baseball, football, soccer or hockey. I distinctly remember him coming home to describe a football practice activity that left him perplexed. It was called, "bull in the ring". The objective was for one of the players to take control of the football, enter an area and attempt to prevent all of the other players on the team from wrenching the ball from him. He felt the coaching staff and players who participated in this activity must be brain dead. He was resolute in his opinion and unable to convince the coaching staff of the senselessness of the activity decided to quit the team. It was a good choice for him. He was not born to be a negotiator, he firmly believed in his inalienable right to rule. 

His passionate belief in his Royal Heritage would not sit well with outsiders and his sisters. His parents wavered on the subject depending on how much entertainment value it had versus the obstructive qualities inherent in such a stance. It had little commerce with his peers, so to speak or other card carrying adults with an idea of superiority based solely on age based bias. I knew it could become a devilish problem early on and he had yet to turn three. And, I still believed I was in charge.

Herb Ratliff, November 8, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Being Human

Thought for the Day

Being human usually means that you have done something deplorable and you are trying to rationalize what you have done by  suggesting that it is the result of your terminal condition of being a part of the human race. Sound right? OK, so lets consider Judge and Mrs.Williams behavior on YouTube captured by their daughter who cleverly put their parenting skills on tape.
For anyone who has been a parent my guess would be that there are many actions that they have taken they hope no one but their children and spouse no anything about and hope their children forget.
Parenting is not something most of us are properly trained for or have years of study and preparation to rely on. The decisions we make are often ridiculous. It's true. It is one of those activities that requires action on our part that affects another person. Sometimes it is a small thing, sometimes big and occasionally its something with long term effects and side effects that last a lifetime. If we really thought about the responsibility we have forming the life and attitudes of a it might be enough to put us off the whole idea. So what does this have to do with some Judge and his wife beating their child on YouTube?

Herb Ratliff, Nov 4, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Power

Thought for the Day

I think we are a lot less likely to give power to people, institutions and cultures than we once were but, we still do that. Some people, institutions and and cultures demand that we give them power and we do it reluctantly, but we do it. Once we give the power away we have less than those we give it to and they respond by demanding things from us. So we give more to them: money, time, respect, and behavior. Then, we complain and plot against them.
The reason most of that happens is because we accept treatment from them as individual treatment. So how could an individual argue with , say, Bank of America? If we could find a bunch of people to agree with us, then we could negotiate with them but that really never seems likely so we muddle along and accept the treatment.
Yes, I'm thinking about our government. Are these bozos for real? How did we fall asleep at the wheel so completely? The power really is ours to use or to give away.

Herb Ratliff, November 3, 2011, All Rights Reserved

Stuff

Thought for the Day

   When I was a kid our culture, my personal economic circumstances and priorities joined together to provide me with a moderate supply of stuff. Stuff would include clothing, toys, reading material, in house resource material and varietal foods. None of those limitations negatively affected my personal well being. That is not to say that it did not affect my sense of well being. Over the years I have compensated for those limitations by adding to my personal supply of stuff. In times of severe change I have re-evaluated and rid myself of extraneous stuff. What is extra and what is necessary varies directly proportionally with disposable resources, cash. Think about your preparation for going to college. When I left home everything I took to school fit in a Buick shared with another student and the owner of the vehicle's stuff. Excess is written all over us. I have important things I don't even remember stored in boxes that take up space I need for other stuff. It could be time for a garage sale.

Herb Ratliff, November 1, 2011, All Rights Reserved