The Most Unselfish Gift

The Christmas this year would not be very memorable, I thought as I considered the serious lack of funds to supply the lavish things I wanted for my family. Christmas is not about expensive gifts, I countered, but I didn't believe it. All I could think of were packages under the tree, gleeful children and a grateful wife looking at me with admiration for being such a wonderful provider. The truth was I had not been a wonderful provider; there would not be an endless supply of richly decorated gifts for those I loved. There was scarcely enough to meet our daily needs let alone excessive indulgences to satisfy my selfish ambition.

I had seriously limited the Christmas budget for my wife. I held out a little for myself to give her a small gift but insisted there was not enough for us to exchange gifts. So I insisted she not spend any on a gift for me. Since she was not working, she had no means of income and was unable to argue. I didn’t realize the selfishness of that maneuver for years, when I think of it now I am ashamed of my self serving attitude. Youth and ego is a clumsy pair at times.

I found a way to ignore the unhappy situation and moved through the pre Christmas days as well as I could. We attended holiday parties with friends, did some caroling and planned family activities. There is a magical quality during this season that seems to be able to amplify the smallest acts of kindness and muffle the most thoughtless ones. On Christmas eve during the day I went to a jeweler and bought a gold bracelet for my wife. I still remember not feeling good about it. Not that it was something she wouldn’t want; it was that even then I knew she would have rather had the money to use for the children.

I’ll never forget Christmas morning that year. The children were happy. They didn’t care what they got. What they loved was the excitement of the tree, the lights, expectations and an endless supply of gifts from family and friends. When I gave my lady her gift she opened it with a questioning face. When she saw the gold bracelet there were instantly tears in her eyes, not from joy but from being deceived. Tears for being mislead, tears because we had not joined together in this moment, tears because she had found a way to keep our agreement and not give up the right to offer me a gift and I had not. I would soon find a deeper lesson in this exchange.

It took a bit for her to gather herself but she did. Then, she looked at me with something that contained sorrow, anger and a lot of hurt. She reached under the tree and took several small packages in her hands. She looked deeply in my eyes when she handed them to me.

I opened the first package. It was a small tin that had contained tea. The tin had been covered with pictures taken from a National Geographic magazine article. The other packages were of various sizes but with the same theme. I have always been fascinated with spiders. My wife had always been terrified by them. That Christmas she gave me the gift of a lifetime. She subdued her fear to give me a gift that I shall never forget. She spent no money but hours of her precious time to make me happy.

As the day of gifts grows more near it would be wise to remember that exchange of gifts. There is still time to use your love, your imagination and your creativity to make a gift for someone you love. And when you give it to them you can both stand on equal footing with the knowledge that you are giving from the same place and that is the real gift.

©Herb Ratliff, December 5, 2012, All Rights Reserved