Preemptive Dismissal

How many times have you said no without really understanding your reasoning behind the refusal? How much of your life and lifestyle is predicated on the opinions and preferences of others? Have you been forged into your philosophy of life by the passion of others who have convinced you that their point of view is better than yours?

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, maybe thousands. Whatever the number, we make a lot of decisions. Some of them are small.  Do I put salt on this bland spoonful of mashed potatoes or in the interest of better health eat them bland? Should I stay home today and catch up on some much needed sleep or go to work? What should I have for lunch? Who should I vote for?

Have you noticed that if you engage another in your selection process they will have an opinion. Some will reluctantly share an opinion, others will happily tell you exactly what to do. Believe it or not there are actually some people who will offer their preference without being ask. So the question arises, when do I solicit opinions about what choice I should make and when should I make a decision without the benefit of additional points of view?

If you want to buy a computer and you know someone who is familiar with computers and how they work on a broad scale, it would probably benefit you to ask them to help you make a selection if they are willing. What they will likely do is ask you what you plan to do with the computer. They will ask specific questions about the tasks you believe will be aided by using a computer. Careful questioning will lead them to a storehouse of information they have accumulated about computers and that information coupled with your specific needs will lead them to a conclusion that will be very useful to you because it will impact directly the cost, speed, convenience and general usefulness of the computer you would find most beneficial. If you are sitting in a coffee shop and discussing the purchase of a computer in general terms with a stranger with strong opinions, the suggestions they will make about the kind of computer you should buy will be based on what they would use a computer for and that is the key to other peoples opinions. Do they want to convince you that they made a good choice or do they want to help you meet your needs in a better way?

If you really want to know about something, the best way is to experience it. However, that is often not a practical or reasonable way to learn. So the next best thing is to ask another's opinion. To get an opinion with your needs in mind is unlikely even from the most well-intentioned advisers. Everyone has an agenda.

My daughter, Julie and I went to San Francisco for her birthday when she was a youngster. We were having dinner in one of my favorite restaurants, El Meson. Their food was spectacular. I always had a hard time trying to pick out an entree and so I usually just got several appetizers and ignored the entree. One of the appetizers I got was Calamari Fritta. Julie, always the inquisitive child wanted to know what it was. I told her it was Calamari Fritta.

"Yes", she said, "but what is that?"

I told her it was Calamari.

"But, what is Calamari?" she insisted. 

I continued to repeat the same answer. Then, she wanted to know if she could have some. 

"Certainly.", I told her. 

"Ummmmm, this is good.", she said. "Can I have some more?"

It would be a while before I gave more explicit meaning to Calamari but her enjoyment of it never diminished.