I was thinking...........................: January 2012

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Rumer

I was going to fill my time with a lot of platitudes about this woman but, really, all you need to know is in her

voice not my words.

Listen.

I have not heard a voice like this for a long, long time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PQ5FdwFElE&feature=related

Monday, January 30, 2012

Crows must have a rich sense of humor. The familiar sound of crows making editorial comments about the people and events in their lives remind me of a certain kind of person who feels prevailed upon to verbalize every thought that passes through their brain. You know one or two, I am sure, we all do. Crows can be forgiven. At least we don't make terribly severe judgments about them, their heritage or the level of intelligence they possess. Well, maybe the level of their intelligence is just what we do wonder about. I do. I tend to give them rather high marks in that category.

I have read a bit about crows and ravens. Most ornithologists give them pretty high marks. And while it is interesting to read about their behavior nothing matches seeing them at work.

Several years ago I was visiting a client in Texas. Frankly, I don't even remember what city it was but it was near some very good golf courses. One of the courses was quite well known among the golfers of the world and so I thought it should be a good location for a bit of business review. The man I needed to talk with was the chairman of the board and somewhat difficult to corner during the business day, but he loved to chase the little white ball and for a few bucks and a ride across some of the most beautiful landscape in Texas he was mine for at least four hours.

Now you have to be a bit careful about mixing business and pleasure. Business on the golf course is tricky. Generally what you do is just play golf until you are finished and then over lunch or dinner get into the business. That is really not the point here though because this is about Crows.

We had finished playing the front nine holes and stopped for a bit of food and some drinks at the little halfway house. We each got a couple of hot dogs, some chips, something to drink and headed for the tenth tee. That's just the way we do it.

The walk from the golf cart to the Tee was a bit farther than what one normally expects but not far enough to call it a problem. We had, at that point, begun eating the various food items and left them in the cart when we went to the tee. I had honors and so I hit my tee shot and my guest stood and admired the length and accuracy of my drive. (It's my story, I get to have a good drive.) He took a couple of practice swings and walked toward the tee and then he noticed that a crow was sitting in the cart eating his potato chips. For some reason he reacted rather belligerently, yelling obscenities at the crow. We were far enough away that the crow was completely nonplussed at he enraged man screaming at him and continued to eat the chips. To my complete surprise the man dropped his club and started toward the golf cart. The crow did not budge. Then the man ran, waving his arms and yelling. This caught the attention of the crow and he picked up the chips and flew a few feet from the cart. My client continued after the crow. The crow hopped on.

Finally, my friend got close enough to the crow and the crow dropped the bag of chips, emptied the bag and flew into a low branch of a tree and cackled at the man.

I was in stitches. My friend was not. Never have I seen such ire over a bag of chips. And that crow, my guess is he still tells that story to his kids and laughs to this day.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Baby, The Rain Must Fall

Even the bird songs drip.

The rain, ceaselessly saturates the ground, the air, my thoughts.

There is no sunshine, no wind, just wet.

Can you imagine forty days and nights?

What is gopher wood anyway?

And what is a cubit?

The sun is waiting, like me

for a better day,

for a bluer sky,

fly away.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Little Girls, Fly Rods and Early Mornings

Anyone who knows even a little bit about me knows that I love to wade streams and tempt trout with hand tied flies. It has been a part of my life for a long time. So it would probably come as no surprise to people that wanting my children to join me in such an activity would be a logical next step and they would be spot on. The story begins with a trip the family took to Frankfort , Michigan sometime in the seventies, my guess is about seventy six. That would make Bud six, Julie four and Lindsay a coming attraction.

We were to be there for a week and the weather had been very nice. Bud and Julie wanted to get up early and go trout fishing with dad so we planned for each of them to have their own morning to go alone with me. So far, so good. Bud's morning began with twittering birds, light on the horizon, the sun's head just beginning to rise and so we went to a dandy little breakfast place and had hot chocolate, pancakes, sausage and the lot. We trekked off to the river and gathered some trout and went back to the cabin for the cheers of the waiting crowds of expectant, adoring fans. We were not disappointed, they treated us like royalty returning from battle, victorious.

Julie's morning was somewhat less idyllic. It was raining torrents, we could barely see out the window. I meekly suggested we put off the adventure for a better day and Julie howled her disapproval and demanded we not let a little rain stop our adventure. What could I do. I did not have appropriate rain gear for a four year old or sufficient creativity to come up with a reasonable alternative plan to satisfy the desire of a four year old to go fishing with her dad. (This single minded determination was not a single incident. Did I mention that she is a CPA?) I tried a variety of approaches all designed to try a delay but that was useless. Finally, I had to come up with some kind of plan that would come close to keeping her protected from the elements. I searched through my fishing equipment but sizes were simply not compatible and so I had to take another tack.

Garbage bags. Yep, that's what this great mind came up with to solve the problem. A cutout for the head and arms would work for the torso, the corner cutoff for a hat, a small bag tied at the thigh for each leg, (wading) and sleeves fashioned out of other bags. You've heard of "The Man From Glad"? This was a little twist on the theme.

Dressed and protected, at least momentarily, for the elements we took our gear to the car and went as fast as we could to the little breakfast place for hot chocolate and warm food. I won't detail the fishing because what I remember most clearly is that I was with my little girl dressed in fly fishing gear and we were on our way to a glorious adventure. And do you know what? That is without a doubt one of the finest fishing or fathering experiences I have ever had.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Gratitude

This picture is from 1993. Left to right back:Bud, me
Front: L to R:Julie, Lindsay, Dora holding Nick, Cory holding Lindsay.
There are now ten more grandchildren:Lindsey,Kirkland, Joshua, Skylar, Zachary, Logan, Keaton, Xander, Zoe, Brayden.

Have you ever thought carefully about the things you are most grateful for?

I'm very visual and so my eyes are at the top of the list. Ears that function reasonably well, taste, touch, smell and a little esp now and again. I have enough athletic ability to engage in most sports and compete at a better than average level if I choose. I am teachable. That is what I may be most thankful for on another level. Second chances are high on the list too. If it weren't for second chances no one would ever see this blog. Good health, the ability to heal: physically, mentally and spiritually.

I've had numerous opportunities to apply my skills in a work environment that provided rich rewards. Sometimes I did it with a high level of competence and creativity and provided exceptional service to my employer and clients. Sometimes I did not and that's where some of those second chances I spoke of come into play.

I have met and been befriended by some of the finest people in the world. Many of them have taught me about life. All of them have given something special to me: their time, their experience, their forgiveness in some cases, their disdain in others. Most everything I have received has been as a direct result of my actions and attitude. I must add here that while complaining about results that were less than complimentary to me I was complaining to a friend about things not being "fair or just" and he looked me in the eye and said, "Herb, of all the people I know, you are the last who should be asking for justice. You should be praying for mercy." He was right and I hope I never forget it. I also hope I never forget there are a lot of people out there just like me.

Some parts of my life have been a train wreck. There just isn't any other way to express it. I have fallen hard and often on this journey but, I have never laid there and quit. I have hurt other people, sometimes on purpose, sometimes without intent and sometimes from just being too fixed on my own interests to care about anything else.

Most of my life has been a miracle. More good has come into my life from the generosity of others than I can begin to list. But I cannot continue without acknowledging the best part of my life, my children. They are smart, thoughtful, generous, forgiving. They are wonderful parents. They are dependable friends and they are good neighbors. I hope you get a chance to meet them someday.

Give some thought to making a list of your own. I think you will find that life is good, hope enriches it and experience can be the catalyst for change or plunging you deeper into the denial that life isn't fair. Thanks for stopping by, I'm grateful for you too.

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Great Ones

George B. Dorr overlooking the land he loved

I've always had a naive side to me in spite of the great desire I have had to be worldly and sophisticated. So it always comes as a surprise when I discover that something I thought I knew is all wrong or a bit like a Disney Movie. The desire to be great lies in all of us. The desire to accomplish great things lies only in a few. The passion, persistence and refusal to accept defeat is in but a handful.

Part of the reason for the sophomoric view of greatness in my case is the requirement that whatever I propose to be great about has to meet certain criterion. Some but not all of the criteria are honesty, the common good, adherence to a Christian ethic. But here is where the difficulty begins. Who that we as a culture list as the great leaders of mankind can claim even those three aforementioned qualities as a basis for their greatness? For that matter, what institution can make such a claim?

I have been lied to by so many for so long that I find it miraculous that I have any faith in truth. I have been sold the idea of the common good by self serving snake oil salesmen in the suits of public servants and the Christian ethic, beautiful as it is in theory is rarely if ever practiced by any of the leaders and but a few of the most sincerely converted. It turns out that in most cases honesty and truth are nothing more than a tool by which the dishonest milk the naive of their hard earned money.

But George B. Dorr is one of the few who truly had a dream and backed it with his own money and the wealth of his well to do friends. That is a story worth knowing.

It begins with his love of Mount Desert Island, the death of Charles Eliot at the age of 38 and Charles' father, Charles W. Eliot reading an article his son had written proposing the formation of a trust to protect the island from being controlled by a few wealthy landholders and made available to the public. The result was Acadia National Park. It started with one man's deep love for a part of the earth and a desire to share it with his fellow man.

So, naive or not. don't give up on your dreams.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

You Can't Go Home Again

Florida is a different animal. Even if you have lived here or do live here the essence of "home" to me at least is lost in the shallow rooted feel of this sandy soil-less land. Dried black sooty muck from the glades wafts through the air like an uber dry fog that cannot find a place to stay. So like the part time residents, when it's out of substance it leaves.

There are parts of me that were born here and I feel the link to it's importance but there are no supporting members.

The traffic is in the hands of the unwilling, unable and unnecessary and their approach to movement is erratic and at times downright frightening. None of this is terribly important but a need for catharsis drove me to write this morning.

Live where you are keeps coming to mind. So I will stop complaining. I'm just uncomfortable I suppose and I know I'll get over it.

If I weren't here I'd be there and here, there and everywhere is a song from the musical mind of Paul McCartney so I think I will stop this and listen to music.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Earthie ?

Last night as I curled into my sleeping position I had a picture of the earth from a considerable enough distance that it's size and color resembled a blue marble. I know that isn't an original thought, give me a minute. That view had the psychological effect of putting an "ie" or a "y" on the end of a name. It seemed small and vulnerable and in need of caring, thoughtful attention.

The next thing I thought of was an incubator: for chicks first, then for babies and then I thought for us. Suppose the earth is an incubator for life as we know it. Even a small amount of knowledge about the universe and a couple of episodes of Star Trek will tell you it's dangerous out there. If I were in charge of a vulnerable, beautiful, new life form, I would want to protect it until it was sufficiently capable of taking care of itself. If it was a vastly different life form from the myriad others I had produced, I would consider giving it an extra bit of protection and close observation would not be out of the question.

Then I thought, if I left the maintenance and development of the blue marble to this life form they would take care of it the way I had taken care of them by being vigilant of it's needs and relentless in it's protection and care.

So I slipped off to sleep feeling like I was special enough to be placed in an extra special location and set of environmental conditions to protect the unique form of life that I am, that we are. Then, I thought, what are we doing to our incubator and each other?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Elephant in the House

There's an elephant in the house now, in the kitchen on the sink.

If you dare not deign believe me, hear it trumpet, see it wink.

Now she's dancing in the den with my golf clubs in her hands,

Singing songs of Asian rajahs and the desert's endless sands.

What does one do in these moments, seeking quiet solitude?

How does noise factor in to my poetic writing mood?

There, a door slammed, now the cat screamed, what is that vicissitude?

Maybe when the earth stops spinning, when it's quiet as a mouse,

Oops, I scared that silly elephant. Now she's gone. Good, quiet house.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Journey

If you do not believe the beauty of life is in the process consider how it would be to focus only on results.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Tranquility

Only

soliloquies

of the moon

in the

cricket-quiet

night.

Friday, January 6, 2012

After The Party

After The Party

When I walked away from you on that warm summer night,

I was thinking of when we were somewhere between 12 and 18.

Yes, I knew it was a 50 year anniversary.

Yes, I knew how old I was.

But, I wasn’t ready for you to die.

There was more to do, more to see,

More to feel, more to be, but I didn’t know

There was no more time.

And, I didn’t know there was an imminent epidemic

of exits.

I don’t want to go, but, I am afraid of standing here

alone.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

What is Love?

Is it love when I say, I love you?

Is it love when I say, I care?

Is it love when I look

at a scruffy teddy bear?

Is love the swirling angst

of being all alone?

Is love the word, goodbye,

when it cuts you to the bone?

Is love the tear that jewels your cheek

in morning's early hue

When the night you spent alone

left your pillow wet with dew?

Is love a sometime thing

That comes and goes each day?

Or, is love an endless current

Urging flow without dismay?

Is love a two way thing

That seeks a balanced set?

Or, can love go on and on

Never needing to be met?

Is balance, inequality or

harmony a ghost?

Is love the thing you get

When you get what you want most?

Is love one thing that

Does not change or changes all the time?

Is it mine or yours or theirs or ours

If the seasons set in rhyme?

When does love become a dust ball?

When do stars begin to glow?

When does heavy, humid air

Catch a cold and turn to snow?

I don't know what heaven's angels

Have in store for you and me.

I don't know why all God's creature's

Build a nest or climb a tree.

All I know is that He's watching,

Sometimes laughing, sometimes not

And that what we do will show us

What will happen, what will not.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Preemptive Dismissal

How many times have you said no without really understanding your reasoning behind the refusal? How much of your life and lifestyle is predicated on the opinions and preferences of others? Have you been forged into your philosophy of life by the passion of others who have convinced you that their point of view is better than yours?

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, maybe thousands. Whatever the number, we make a lot of decisions. Some of them are small. Do I put salt on this bland spoonful of mashed potatoes or in the interest of better health eat them bland? Should I stay home today and catch up on some much needed sleep or go to work? What should I have for lunch? Who should I vote for?

Have you noticed that if you engage another in your selection process they will have an opinion. Some will reluctantly share an opinion, others will happily tell you exactly what to do. Believe it or not there are actually some people who will offer their preference without being ask. So the question arises, when do I solicit opinions about what choice I should make and when should I make a decision without the benefit of additional points of view?

If you want to buy a computer and you know someone who is familiar with computers and how they work on a broad scale, it would probably benefit you to ask them to help you make a selection if they are willing. What they will likely do is ask you what you plan to do with the computer. They will ask specific questions about the tasks you believe will be aided by using a computer. Careful questioning will lead them to a storehouse of information they have accumulated about computers and that information coupled with your specific needs will lead them to a conclusion that will be very useful to you because it will impact directly the cost, speed, convenience and general usefulness of the computer you would find most beneficial. If you are sitting in a coffee shop and discussing the purchase of a computer in general terms with a stranger with strong opinions, the suggestions they will make about the kind of computer you should buy will be based on what they would use a computer for and that is the key to other peoples opinions. Do they want to convince you that they made a good choice or do they want to help you meet your needs in a better way?

If you really want to know about something, the best way is to experience it. However, that is often not a practical or reasonable way to learn. So the next best thing is to ask another's opinion. To get an opinion with your needs in mind is unlikely even from the most well-intentioned advisers. Everyone has an agenda.

My daughter, Julie and I went to San Francisco for her birthday when she was a youngster. We were having dinner in one of my favorite restaurants, El Meson. Their food was spectacular. I always had a hard time trying to pick out an entree and so I usually just got several appetizers and ignored the entree. One of the appetizers I got was Calamari Fritta. Julie, always the inquisitive child wanted to know what it was. I told her it was Calamari Fritta.

"Yes", she said, "but what is that?"

I told her it was Calamari.

"But, what is Calamari?" she insisted.

I continued to repeat the same answer. Then, she wanted to know if she could have some.

"Certainly.", I told her.

"Ummmmm, this is good.", she said. "Can I have some more?"

It would be a while before I gave more explicit meaning to Calamari but her enjoyment of it never diminished.

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Beginnings

I was just under six months old when I began my first new year. My prospects were pretty good. I had parents, a home, food at the ready, comfort was available and hugging was plentiful. I had an experienced sibling that had been around for nearly five years to survey the new digs and help me negotiate the new terrain. I can't give you much in the way of details but overall my needs were met. Other than the parents being a little slow on feeding and cleaning sometimes, life looked like a pretty good gig.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was president, Henry A Wallace was vice president, Population was 136,739,353. The National budget was 78.56 billion, Federal debt 142.7 billion, unemployment was 1.9% and it cost three cents to mail a first class letter. You could send a post card for a penny.

None of that meant a thing to me personally but it affected how my family lived. The president froze prices, salaries and wages to prevent inflation. Withholding taxes on wages were introduced. In the world of medicine Selman Waksman discovered streptomycin and coined the word antibiotic and Doctors began to use the pap test to detect cervical cancer. Finally, the Pentagon was completed and became the largest office building in the world.

Our world is different now but the point of all this is to say that the potential for change is not theoretical. For all of us there will be tremendous changes in our lifestyle. For some the change will be minimal because they will not be here long enough to see any substantial changes. For those who stay, the infants, the toddlers, the prepubescent, the teens, and the collegiates, who have the benefit of knowing pretty much everything anyway, the change will be driven by them and so it will be tolerable. But here is the challenge. You personally can create or influence the change. If there is a condition or a crisis that needs to be addressed, you can have an effect on its outcome. Everything that happens in this world starts with an idea or a problem. So, if you are unhappy with the world or love it, you input counts. Adolf Hitler was one person. Steve Jobs was one person. Sam Walton was one person, from Arkansas for crying out loud.

Do not ever sell short what you can do, never. And, don't be afraid to fail. Failure is a part of the process and as sure as your next breath but it is O.K. Check out the number of things Thomas Edison tried to use as filaments for the incandescent light bulb before he came up with an ideal substance. You are as powerful as your dream.